[written by Megan McNamara ~ Certified Fertility Awareness Educator ~ @FAMtasticFertility]
It goes by many names…
- Non-PIV (non-penis-in-vagina)
- Outercourse (instead of INtercourse)
- False abstinence
- Coreplay (making foreplay the ‘core’ focus of sex)
- Alternative sex
Whichever name suits you, the point is the same: “sex” is not limited to penis-in-vagina intercourse! You can enjoy many of the pleasures of sex without having to wear barriers or risk pregnancy, so long as the guidelines below are followed.
Perfect Use of Alternative Protected Sex:
To prevent accidental transmission of semen to the vagina:
- No direct genital-to-genital contact. (Wear lingerie/underwear or thin clothes if grinding)
- Ejaculation takes place far away from the vagina. (Mouth, chest, etc.)
- Ejaculate does not make contact with the vagina, vaginal opening, vulva, inner thighs, anus, or anywhere where it could drip down to the vaginal opening or reach cervical mucus. (“Contact” pregnancy is very rare, but still possible)
- Ejaculate is carefully wiped away afterward or between sex acts ending in ejaculation. (Use a washcloth, paper towel, etc.)
- Hands, toys, etc. are thoroughly washed after or between sex acts, which end in ejaculation.
What might alternative protected sex include?
This is not an exhaustive list. Exploration and creativity are encouraged here, and that’s part of the beauty of alternative sex. To explore, get to know each other’s preferences, and try new things, all while staying protected and carefree, so long as perfect use is followed.
- Oral (blowjobs, cunnilingus)
- Breast or nipple play
- T*ttyf*cking (for lack of a more formal descriptor)
- Kissing and sensual massage (massage oils may be used)
- Use of toys (please ensure they’re high-quality, body-safe toys!!!)
- Manual stimulation (fingering, handjobs, etc.)
- Dry grinding through clothes or underwear
- Mutual masturbation
- Stripteases, lap dances, etc.
- Anal play (with fingers, toys, oral)
- (Important Note: in the case of anal penetration with the penis, it is best to use a barrier method such as a condom during one’s fertile window to eliminate accidental transmission of pre-cum fluids or ejaculate dripping down to the vaginal opening and making contact with cervical mucus there – please use caution with this if Charting To Avoid)
Why might people choose alternative sex? What are the benefits?
- Personal preference
- Comfort level
- Exploration or trying new things
- Same-sex relationships
- Enjoy sexual acts without the cost/use of barriers such as condoms or diaphragms
- Takes the pressure off of penis-in-vagina sex as the ‘main act.’
- Increases communication and enjoyment between partners
- Extremely low, practically non-existent level of pregnancy risk with perfect use
Magic, Beauty, Heat…
Alternative sex is valid, beautiful, intense, erotic, connective, fun, empowering, and satisfying! Though many think of “sex” as strict intercourse, there is truly so much more.